By: Narsha James (MA, BSc)
Picture your mental wellbeing as a seesaw with the main objective not being to dip and rise on each side, but to balance. If your imagination is working, you will soon realize that in order for you to balance, there must be someone else on the other end. Imagine further, that this other person is you, but a different aspect of you; in this case, your emotions. More specifically, your Emotional Intelligence. This is a significant dimension of mental wellbeing. It greatly influences whether or not you are able to maintain balance in life. Emotional Intelligence includes a person’s ability to recognize and manage emotions in themselves and in others; but it does not end there. Emotional Intelligence aids in problem solving and human flourishing (Serrat, 2017). Therefore, it is not just a matter of realizing that you are sad or angry, but having the ability to use your emotions to find solutions and build wellbeing. This may be surprising, because culturally, we are often taught to ‘control’ our emotions so that they don’t get the better of us. To be fair to these cultural norms, we understand that emotions left unchecked have a way of carrying us along paths of self-regret, even destruction. The good news is that Emotional Intelligence opens up the possibility for us to have our emotions as allies. This means that they would not be the reason for us dipping and rising sharply on the seesaw of life, but will help us maintain balance. However, for this to happen we must first recognize that our emotions can be managed.
Managing your emotions starts with the simple act of recognizing/naming them. Although this seems quite basic, many of us have developed the habit of dismissing our emotions. We often send them off to be buried because they show up at inconvenient times. The problem with this practice is twofold: Firstly, it can lead to a state of apathy where you eventually lose the ability to recognize, or be concerned about, how you or someone else feels. Secondly, the inability to recognize your emotions may leave you anxious, nervous and overwhelmed. Therefore, being able to recognize your emotions and the reasons you may be feeling them, is essential. It is important to note that sometimes, you may feel more than one emotion, or have conflicting emotions, in a given circumstance. External stressors, such as the COVID-19 pandemic, may create such feelings of ambivalence in persons. A parent may be happy to work from home but may also find the experience anxiety-inducing. Whether it is recognizing one or many emotions, the value is in the acknowledgement because only emotions that are recognized can be managed. In other words, you are now guiding your emotions as opposed to your emotions controlling you.
Another essential aspect of managing your emotions is developing skills, which act as resources that you can use in any given circumstance. These skills include, but are not limited to, communication, mediation, recognition (of triggers), and stress management. While there are some emotions that are almost entirely managed at the stage of recognition, others require more skill in managing. Fortunately, these skills can be learned, and get better with practice, even by persons who may have deep-seated emotional issues. The key to managing your emotions is recognizing what works for you and increasing those skills so that your reservoir of resources will not be depleted. It is essential though, that you harness prosocial skills, i.e., skills that are helpful and positive for you and those around you (Dodge et al., 2012). For instance, learning better communication skills will be a lot more helpful for you and your relationship in the long-run instead of giving a well-planned ‘silent treatment.’ The value of developing skills in emotion regulation is gained both personally and socially. The social benefit is essential because it is another key aspect of Emotional Intelligence, which further leads to problem solving in social relationships. In fact, positive social relationships by themselves are essential tools in managing emotions. They can take the form of talking to a trusted friend (instead of bottling up how you feel), to engaging in social activities with others.
The Bible provides many examples of individuals recognizing and processing their emotions. One of the best examples of this is seen in David. A basic perusal of the book of Psalms will unfold how David was honest in naming and handling his emotions. When he was angry or hurt, not only did he express his true feelings, but he went a step further and used the best tool available to him —he cried out to God. His trust in the Living God provided a resting place for his frustrations, and at the end of every ‘frustrated Psalm,’ we notice that David transitions from anger and hurt to security, trust, and peace. This provides a good blueprint for all of us. In the end, like David, we will find that when we learn to recognize and manage our emotions better, balancing the seesaw of our mental wellbeing also gets easier.
References
Dodge, R., Daly, A., Huyton, J., & Sanders, L. (2012). The challenge of defining wellbeing. International Journal of Wellbeing, 2(3), 222-235. doi:10.5502/ijw.v2i3.4
Serrat, O. (2017). Understanding and developing Emotional Intelligence. In: Knowledge Solutions. Springer, Singapore. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-981-10-0983-9_37
