By, Narsha James (MA, BSc)
People! Humans! They can be so difficult! This difficulty often results in a lot of us throwing our hands in the air and giving up on building social relationships. In many of us, there is something sensitive and impressionable that quickly retreats, much like a snail into its shell, at the experience of hurt in relationships. We prefer to recoil and isolate than to risk more hurt, embarrassment or tension with other people. While this is understandable, and in many ways a natural response, it keeps us from flourishing as humans. The truth is, we need each other in order to be the best that we can be. Our wellbeing hinges on the quality and depth of our social connections. In fact, leading researcher in the study of happiness, Ben-Shahar, declares that the most influential and important element relating to a person’s level of happiness is the quality of their social relationships (Ben-Shahar & Big Think, 2022). When we feel supported by, are vulnerable with, and deeply connect with others, we live happier and more fulfilling lives (Sarafino & Smith, 2014). These benefits can be realized at different stages and dimensions of life.
Ginja et al. (2018) explored the value of social support for first time mothers who were using an app. The researchers found that even in the online realm, new mothers who engaged with others and felt supported by older moms, had higher levels of mental wellbeing. In addition, these new mothers also believed more in their ability to handle motherhood and the challenges that would inevitably come with it. Similarly, albeit more strikingly, Sarafino and Smith (2014) highlight the benefit of social support for mothers taking care of children with a major disability. On their own, the effect of this task was debilitating to their health; however, when these mothers connected with other moms through their shared experiences, social support created a buffer against chronic stress and its crippling effects. These findings indicate that when we are going through life changing experiences, the support of, and connection with others can make the journey bearable, even smoother.
Moreover, adults who are married or those who engage with friends regularly also reap the benefits of social connectedness. Interestingly, Stronge et al. (2019) found that men were particularly happier when they were either in a relationship or married. This level of support provided an avenue for them to manage the challenges which presented themselves in other aspects of their lives. In an effort to avoid simplistic reasoning, this is not to suggest that adults who are unmarried are unhappy and unsupported. On the contrary, single adults experience these benefits with the connections they have with friends and family. The important element is the quality of the social connection (Soulsby & Bennett, 2015). Essentially, in order for anyone, whether married or single, to flourish, that person must invest in social relationships, which result in giving and receiving social support.
In the later stages of life, the elderly probably illustrates this point better than any other age group. Older people who frequently connect with others, engage in social activities, and feel useful in their social settings, show fewer signs of dementia, depression, and overall anxiety (Sarafino & Smith, 2014). This is especially true for older adults who have a strong faith or religious foundation. Bagheri Sheykhangafshe and Shabahang (2020) found that the psychological wellbeing of elderly people with social support and personal spirituality was much higher than those who were isolated and had no functional faith. Furthermore, elderly people who are socially affiliated are more optimistic about the future and engage more positively with the present, even when they are ill (Sarafino & Smith, 2014). Ultimately, all of this leads us to conclude that the Word of God does not lie. Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12, from the King James Version states, “Two is better than one, because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falls; for he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie together then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevails against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not easily broken.” Even the very working of the God-head illustrates the importance of connecting with others. Although we can be scary and hurtful as human beings, we can’t live wholesome lives without each other. The periods of lockdown during the COVID-19 pandemic made this glaringly clear. Even with all the messiness of social relationships, it is better for us to be together. Spend some time connecting with others on a deeper level in order to build stronger social ties. Even when there is tension and disagreement, don’t run away and isolate yourself. Instead, work through these challenges and grow with others. You will be healthier for it.
References
Bagheri Sheykhangafshe, F., & Shabahang, R. (2020). Prediction of psychological wellbeing of elderly people based on spirituality, social support, and optimism. Journal of Religion and Health, 7(2), 22-32.
Ben-Shahar, T. & Big Think (2022, January 26). Don’t chase happiness. Become antifragile [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-or_D-qNqM
Ginja, S., Coad, J., Bailey, E., Kendall, S., Goodenough, T., Nightingale, S., … & Lingam, R. (2018). Associations between social support, mental wellbeing, self-efficacy and technology use in first-time antenatal women: data from the BaBBLeS cohort study. BMC pregnancy and childbirth, 18(1), 1-11.
Sarafino, E. P., & Smith, T. W. (2014) Health psychology: Biopsychosocial interactions (8th ed.). Wiley
Soulsby, L. K., & Bennett, K. M. (2015). Marriage and psychological wellbeing: The role of social support. Psychology, 6(11), 1349-1359.
Stronge, S., Overall, N. C., & Sibley, C. G. (2019). Gender differences in the associations between relationship status, social support, and wellbeing. Journal of Family Psychology, 33(7), 819.
